So I had a vivid dream last night. I was back at Dzogchen Beara, as a visitor.

Walked around. Greeted people which I knew. There were loads of people: some staffmembers, a couple of volunteers I worked with, a few guests that I met in my time there and even someone I know from the Netherlands. I was happy to see the cats that I knew and love, and surprised to even see some new cats. I felt at home right away again. And although I was only visiting, some guests asked me questions about where to go and how things worked.

As it goes in dreams (at least in my dreams), not all the people, buildings and things where an accurate representation of the real world. But when I woke up I realized that it actually felt like a real visit.

It feels weird to be there in my mind, but not in real life.

It feels weird that now it takes planning and money and time before I’m there, the place where I lived and worked and felt so at home for 1 1/2 years.

My time there was special, grounded, relaxed, stressed, mindblowing, fun, overwhelming, comfy, hilarious, educational, frustrating, connected, exhausting, energetic and intense. I love to learn, and this was a great place for it. I learned so much about myself, people, meditating, Buddhism, the world. So much learning, in a relatively short time, like a pressure cooker.

I have been back in the Netherlands almost as long as I was there. And I haven’t processed it all yet. Maybe I never will, who knows. I think writing will help, with unraveling it all. So that’s what I will do more. Write and unravel.

(Here for the first time and no idea what I’m talking about? Read about the start of my adventure here, or about ending that adventure there, or just browse through my earlier blogposts).